16 April 2007
A tough, tough day
Posted by Esther under: Oysh .
(Read Adiel’s post on Hashkafah.com)
http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?showtopic=37695
Yesterday was a very hard day for both of us.
We found out that someone that we both knew was niftar in the most horrific way. The news said he jumped out of the ESB and committed suicide. I really would like to believe that it happened some other way. Honestly, it just does not make any sense. Moshe Kanovksy was a good, sincere, nice, normal guy who lived in our neighborhood and came to us for Shabbos meals. Adiel knew him from Yeshiva. The whole situation is just so bizzare that he would just do that to himself, with zero warning.
Every time I think about his leg just falling down I get sick. I want to believe that someone pushed him, or at least some demon possessed him to do it. It’s not something he would have done. It’s just not. And this is so eerily dejavu of what occurred last year. (http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?showtopic=20274 ). You know the A’s are still suffering so, even though the rest of us have moved on.
What is this world coming to? How can we make sense of this?
Hashem should give his family strength and nechama in this difficult and tragic time.
Almost overshadowed by this horrible tragedy is the fact that my own Aunt Leah was niftar last week, and Mommy is sitting shiva. Aunt Leah was a wonderful, kind person who never had a bad word to say to everyone. She is the first person that ever made challahs with me, and she showed me how to braid them using twisty ties. We made the shlissel challah in her memory. Mommy is sitting with her siblings until Wednesday.
TNZB’H
Let’s hear some good news soon - PLEASE!
12 Comments so far...
chaim yakov hirsch Says:
16 April 2007 at 6:56 pm.
Reb Moshe was a tzaddik and i knew i was his roommate most recently. I also wouldlike to understand how his leg ended up in a different place and wonder if he may have been pushed. It does not make sense. Listen we talked about everything throughout the years that i knew him and yes even death but this is a shock to me and i am upset on so many levels. It is a tragedy that a promising young man like Reb Moshe had to suffer. I tried to be mechazek him but i was one person and dont have much strength myself to give. I am sure there were others. But maybe we could have done more. This was an impulse not planned because Reb Moshe would have called me as he did with other things. I am at a loss. Adiel, you knew him also he was geshmake yid but being single and parnassa not going as well as it should have left not much of an anchor. We need to be mechazek eachother lest others fall down as well. There is nothing really to say. The silence in deafening and it is the only appropriate thing right now.
Dovid Toback Says:
16 April 2007 at 9:31 pm.
Hi,
Adiel nice to see your website up again….
I have been struggling to come to terms with Moshe’s death as I was also his friend. I have talked to him fairly recently and he seemed to be a little down about the usual things 30+ single people not in Yeshiva are down about. It didn’t seem to be anything that couldn’t be overcome withhout the proper support. I contrast this with another one of my frineds who passed away in March, Asher Prero who on paper had a lot more to be depressed about but fought to maintain his lavel of happiness and that of those around him. Some people may just feel that there is no way out R’L and don’t have someone to tell them there is. Unfortunately the mind can play cruel tricks on us.
I believe Moshe was truly depressed and felt completely alone. I did try a few times to reestablish our friendship but we all know how busy people can get and it just didn’t pan out. I think people should make a kabbalah to try to keep up with at least one friend who seems to be slipping through the cracks because that phone call may save a live. If someone doesn’t seem to be happy, crack a joke; try to cheer him up. My grandmother A’H made it her life’s mission to sit on a bench in Williamsburg and put smiles on the faces of the people around her. She has saved lives doing that.
Moshe Please rest in peace. I apologize for not being a better friend.
Dovid
rmm Says:
17 April 2007 at 6:03 am.
Dearests:
I am so sorry to hear all this bad news, it’s a total tragedy. I cannot imagine the angst his family must be feeling, the horrible sense of loss.
I’m so sorry about your Aunt Leah too, Hugs, Rmm
Adiel Says:
17 April 2007 at 7:50 am.
Chaim Yaakov Hirsch and David Toback,
Moshe Kanovsky was at my vort and a I knew him from Ner Yisroel and through a lot of mutual friends. He would visit the Grunhaus’ apartment when they were living in NYC. I remember when he brought some of his dates over for us to meet. I remember when he just passed the BAR exam and got his first job which he was fired from.
In the end, he lived as someone who was really depressed but never showed it to anyone. He always had a good dvar Torah to say and had a geshmake smile. He was dating for many many years, had a lot more going for him than most guys, and was a pretty good catch. But he had gone through a broken engagement, some tough dating obstacles, and an unsteady job.
I hate to say that there is a tremendous amount of pressure put on a person in the frum world. if you’re over 25 and not married, you’re a misfit. I experienced that cr*p for myself. And in his situation, he really had it rough. Being 31, unmarried, not making a whole lot of money, and dealing with the day to day garbage that people throw on you while going to an empty apartment every night and no love in your life just HURTS. Maybe he had a tough time with the client he was meeting with and just had an epiphany that he couldn’t take all the garbage anymore. i hope he had regretted his decision before he hit. It would hurt so much more to think that he gave up entirely and didn’t care about his life until the last moment.
C&M Says:
17 April 2007 at 1:26 pm.
Oh how horrible, horrible, horrible. i’m crying for his neshama, for this lost lost soul. There are no words - i did not know him, but it still hurts. As Dovid Tabak said - Moshe, please rest in peace.
I was reminded of a poem that i once read from Emily Dickenson:
To know just how he suffered would be dear;
To know if any human eyes were near
To whom he could intrust his wavering gaze,
Until it settled firm on Paradise.
To know if he was patient, part content,
Was dying as he thought, or different;
Was it a pleasant day to die,
And did the sunshine face his way?
What was his furthest mind, of home, or God,
Or what the distant say
At news that he ceased human nature
On such a day?
And wishes, had he any?
Just his sigh, accented,
Had been legible to me.
And was he confident until
Ill fluttered out in everlasting well?
And if he spoke, what name was best,
What first,
What one broke off with
At the drowsiest?
Was he afraid, or tranquil?
Might he know
How conscious consciousness could grow,
Till love that was, and love too blest to be,
Meet — and the junction be Eternity?
Esther Says:
17 April 2007 at 3:33 pm.
Still so sad. My brother Moshe went to the levaya, said it was packed and his father and uncle and friend spoke. Said it’s possible that he took the wrong medication. I know people just start drumming up scenarios to try to make sense of these things, and probably a lot are false, but this is something I actually would like to believe. That he took a medication that made him snap and put voices in his head that told him to do this horiffic act that his body and soul would never have dreamed of doing.
Esther Says:
17 April 2007 at 3:34 pm.
Also, we found a picture of him from our vort last night and he looked so happy. It was so eerie to see it there, I hadn’t even realized he was at our vort.
Dovid Toback Says:
17 April 2007 at 7:28 pm.
Adiel,
Remember that Chaim and I are also older singles who struggle with the daily stress and Crapola of New York Living; However I believe I can say with a whole heart that I am in no way a misfit. (Adiel try not to laugh).
Life is hard. Yenner Mensch Hod Der Peckel Happyness has to be generated from the inside. I have plenty of friends who thank (their) G-d every day for the gift of singlehood and plenty of miserable married people. I also know plenty of good ones.
Teshuva or not, I believe Moshe was depressed and cannot be held fully responsible for what he did. Believe me I played our last conversation together over and over again as I tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep yesterday which was when CY Hirsch told me. I also believe he was the victim of a system that calls single people nothing.
Who are we to judge
Esther Says:
18 April 2007 at 9:01 am.
Dovid, that was a very inspiring post to read.
I am in agreement with you that the regular single, although he might find life difficult, will never contiplate ending his life. Life is tough, no matter who you are and it’s a struggle to stay strong and positive. But for most people, there is always hope and optomism that things will improve.
But there does need to be a change in society where singles are held in a higher esteem and are more accepted. How can we, as just a few individuals even try to make that change?
Chavi Lerman Says:
21 April 2007 at 10:00 pm.
Moshe was my brother. I saw that someone said they have a picture of Moshe from their vort. If anyone has pictures or videos they can send, please email me at cclerman@juno.com. Also, stories about him. Anything you can tell me. I want to know everthing about my brother. I only knew him as a sister. He was a wonderful big brother. As a child he played games with me and learned Mesilas yesharim with me. When we got older he went away to yeshvia. I remember he did everything around the house when he came home. Vacuumed the floors, washed dishes, etc. He had perfect kibud av v’em and was bsaver panim yafos. Please send me your memories of Moshe.
thank you,
Chavi
Esther Says:
22 April 2007 at 5:06 pm.
Chavi,
Hamakom y’nachem eschem…
We have pulled up a video of him from our vort, and we have one picture but its only a part of him, I’m going to check my mom’s album to see if there is any more. We’ll send them to your email, IYH.
Moshe ate by my house a number of times. He always added to our table with his beautiful zemiros, divrei torah and funny stories. He also gave a daf yomi shiur which is so unusual for such a young guy. I remember one time my father had some last minute emergency Friday afternoon and just made Kabbalas Shabbos. He had no hat and Moshe gave him his. Such was the thoughtfulness and kindness of Moshe, A’H.
I still can’t believe he is gone. It must be so hard for you right now, know that we are with you and feel your pain.
Esther
Annonymous Says:
9 May 2008 at 3:18 pm.
I like very much what my friend David T. said. This is extremely tragic, to hear about the death of my old friend Moshe K. He was a smart, kind and the type of person who was genuine and caring. Let’s allow Moshe’s legacy to be that we showed more understanding to a person suffering from emotional challenges. Let’s be more kind to each other and less judgemental of single people.
Single people are just as important to our community as married’s. Moshe was a terrific person. It pains my heart that he is gone. Please let’s learn from this and let’s not just forget this terrible tragedy, to such a fine person, whom we all respected.