Esther & Adiel’s Blog

For the second year in a row, we flew down to Adiel’s Mom for Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful to see her, her husband Jim and Adiel’s sibs, Amanda and Alan. We spent Shabbos with the Wargas like we did last year and the other days shmoozing, eating, watching TV and shopping. Mom was so gracious and bought us loads of Kosher food so we had plenty to eat and drink during our stay. Thanks Mom!

The time flew by too quickly and it was time to say good-bye to dear Mom. So we woke up early Monday morning and Jim drove us to the airport to catch our 10:00 flight. We got to the airport and checked in with plenty of time to spare. OK, good things are going great. We get to the AA gate and theres a 45 minute delay. I wish they had told us about that earlier cuz we could have slept an extra 45 minutes, but oh well. Then they make an announcement that it might be even longer like 11:30 or 12 because of bad weather conditions in NY. At this point I start getting a little nervous, and Adiel calls his school to tell them he won’t be making it in to teach. Next thing we know, they are giving out this little card to each person which says ‘we’re sorry for the delay or cancelled flight, please call this number so they can assist you’. Not a good sign. About 20 minutes later, the announcement comes ‘we are sorry but there is no window for us to fly into NY and the flight has been cancelled. There is no room on any other flights leaving today, the best we can do is get you on a flight first thing tomorrow morning’. So everyone is all up in arms, calling people, waiting on the lines, asking questions, etc. Adiel and I were just laughing. I called the number they gave and after waiting for about a half hour, they finally got us on a US Airway flight to Charlotte, leaving at 2 PM which then we could get a connecting flight to NY at 4:10 (and would get us home at 6). It was only about 11:30, but it was the best we could do and at least we’d be getting home that night.

Wall street Journal article about the delays, it menitons Atlanta.

OK, so we knew we had a couple of hours to kill before heading to Charlotte. So we collected our luggage back (quickest luggage retrieval ever) and headed to the Atrium in the airport which is big and gorgeous and had a place to plug in the laptop and charge. We chilled and used the computer and shmoozed, repacked some of the stuff to take out deli meat and cereal to munch on, and noted on how many army people there were. All of a sudden some guy comes out in tne middle of the atrium and claps his hands and says ‘Attention Ladies and Gentlemen!!’ and we were like ‘uh oh’. But then he says ‘These troops are heading back to Iraq today’. And all of a sudden tens of soldiers just follow him, carrying their backpacks. And everyone that was in the atrium – literally hundreds of people stand up and cheer. It was like attending our very own Veteran’s Day Parade. Brought tears to my eyes, and made the waiting almost worth it.

But all of these distractions actually took longer than we had realized, and all of a sudden we checked our watches and it was 12:40, and our flight was at 2, so we knew we had to check in already (again). We go to US Airways, wait online, try to check in with our e-tickets and it didn’t let us. Tried again and again, it just wasn’t working. The minutes were ticking by and all of the agents were busy. 12:50, finally the guy asks what we need and we explain the situation. He looks and looks and says Adiel has an e-ticket but you don’t. Uh oh. After a whole bunch more of searching, he says ‘Oh, I see why because your name is spelled Esther, but the American Airways representative wrote it as Ester.’ Grrr. How frustrating!! The guy had to make a whole bunch more phone calls and we’re just watching the clock tick by. What further exasperated the situation was that we knew we had the ‘SSSS’ on our ticket, which for those of you who are not airport-security savvy, means that they put you through the highest security possible because of the ‘last minute tickets’ that we booked. Extra time for frisking and looking through our stuff that we just didn’t have!! The guy finally lets us go at 1:20, a mere 40 minutes before our flight. We still needed to wait through the regular and extra security (including the whole ‘shoe take off’ fun) and take the escalator up and down and the train 4 stops to the proper concourse. AAAHH!!! We check the screen, and the flight to Charlotte is leaving on time. Time to put on the jets and hope for the best.

We fly through the airport and b’h the security line (while long) is moving. We get through within 15 minutes and get the whole extra security treatment. Fly down the escalator, the train just came, run up the next escalator and get to our gate at 10 to 2. Phew. One look and we knew we weren’t leaving on time. The terminal was packed, noone was lining up anywhere to go on any plane. Lalalalal. Of course there are no seats either, people are just sitting and spacing out, but I find one isolated seat and adiel stands. We hear the announcement that the plan from charlotte just landed so it will still be a good 20 minutes before we can board, but ‘they are going as quickly as they can’. Why couldn’t they have just posted that the flight was leaving late – it would have saved us a lot of agmas hanefesh….
Whatever. The plane boards around 2:30, doesn’t actually take off until closer to 3. Our connecting flight is at 4:10, but at this point, we realized there are probably delays up and down the East Coast airports and we’re just happy that we’re going to IY”H be that much closer to home. We touchdown at 10 to 4, but being that we’re in the back of the plane, it takes a while to get out. We exit the plane at 4:05, a mere 5 minutes before our flight home is scheduled, and lo and behold we’re standing right next to the gate that we are supposed to be leaving from. What hashgacha! Of course, a similar scene is greeting us and instead of a ‘final board call to New York Laguardia’ with a few last people heading down into the plane, we see a terminal full of bored looking people checking their watches. ‘Here we go again’. The new boarding time is 4:30, and we actually do board then but the plane doesn’t take off until 5:00. Still - we were on our way home and expecting to land at around 7 PM, only an hour later than we were originally scheduled (and 7 hours later that we had really originally scheduled). My wonderful sister and brother in law who took great care of our car and even replaced the battery (long story) were going to pick us up as soon as we landed. We munched on the deli meat and cereal for dinner and played a computer game together. Before we knew it, the plane was starting to descend, it was about 6:45 and I could just smell the NY air…and the pilot comes on and says…we are beginning our descent – to Baltimore!!!

WTH?! Apparently NY wasn’t letting anyone land at this point because of bad weather (fog) and they were refueling in Baltimore. We land and stay put for a long time and the pilot actually comes on and says ‘To be honest I’m not 100% sure what’s going on, I’m a pilot, not a politician, and we want to get home too, but we haven’t been able to reach the Baltimore airport to find out where to refuel, probably because there are so many planes that are doing the sajme thing. I will let you know anything as soon as we do, and we appreciate your patience.’ I really liked his candor and honesty. The flight attendants started passing around drinks and pretzels and everyone waited on line for the bathrooms. Boy did I feel sorry for the people with little kids.

I’m getting exhausted just remembering this. Long story short, we sat and waited and than refueled abd waited some more. I thought they would cancel the flight altogether and kick us off the plane, and we were already discussing the possibility of renting a car and driving the rest of the way

This last Sunday I went to the Derech Chaim chinese auction to put some maaser money in for some prizes. Esther and I go in knowing that we won’t win anything but try to have a good time anyways. The theme this year included having different chefs come in and perform for an hour or so in front of a live audience.

I was excited to go since the entertainment is right up the alley of the DVD we’re releasing in a week (Everyday Kosher Cooking). The two out of the four chefs i watched was Devorah Heller and Susie Fishbein. Devorah Heller is known as the “Challah Lady” and Susie is synonymous with “kosher cooking”. Devorah has a whole story about how she got into making challah: for 9 years she had no children and one day she took on making challah and ….

When I came in to watch Susie,  my interest was to take notes for a bash-fest. In my mind, she was another person overhyped by Jewish enthusiasm because liked the pretty pictures in her cookbook. After all, why else would her cookbook sell more than anyone else’s? People have been cooking for thousands of years and suddenly people like her. why? because of some pretty pictures.  But when she started performing, members of the audience were really rude and interrupting her and asking her to repeat herself numerous times. She was very humble and patient about the whole thing. She was willing to work with everyone and answer everyone’s questions until they understood her.

What really won me over was that she truly was an expert at what she was talking about. I thought “Susie Fishbein” was an exploited name and that she doesn’t know much and has food consultants doing all the work for her. But as she was answering questions, she spoke out the science of the different shticks she was doing. I even pulled out a pen and paper to take notes on things I had never heard of before.

I really hope she gets a copy of Everyday Kosher Cooking and is inspired to let me video her for a DVD of her own.

It doesn’t really get any easier. Maybe less emotoinal, but still so hard. There is a heavy pain in the room, and a bittersweet air as you greet guests who you are happy to see, but sad to have an occasion to see. And then, when they begin speeches about Abba in the past, that’s when you take a break from the routine and just look around and say ‘How is this normal that Abba isn’t around anymore? How did I walk down the chuppah without Abba by my side? How am I living life? Why isn’t he here?’

Today is Abba’s 4th yahrtzeit. Four years since Abba’s weak and sick body finally let go of his neshama. It was on Erev Shabbos, and he was in his bed, in his home, surrounded by family. And I was blowdrying my hair right when it happened. Yeah, you don’t forget stiff like that.

Anyway, this is not about his death, but about the yahrtzeit. Since I don’t want to write a book, I will hold off on writing all the emotions that have taken place since he was niftar, and what a wonderful guy he was. Just breifly, about his yahrtzeit:

It was in Mommy’s house, and Moshe made a siyum. Adiel made challahs and I made veggie beurekas with mushroom sauce(thanks h.com) and vegetable soup. They were all hits. There was a small crowd, maybe 20+ people. Sara Rochel brought the two big girls. We came early to help. Besides for the regular speakers (my two uncles and bro-in-law), Mommy actually spoke about the last few years without him. Now that I’m married, it hit me how painfully hard it is to lose your spouse and best friend. I never felt so much for my brave, strong mother as I did last night. Also, my little 7 1/2 year old niece, who was only 3 1/2 when Abba was niftar got up and brought the whole place to tears. She wrote the following, and said it in a sort of monotone but loud enough for everyone to hear and relate.

MY ZAIDY BY CHAYA LEAH KOSTER WITH HELP FROM HER MOTHER

MY ZAIDY HAD A BEARD, GLASSES, A WARM SMIMLE, ENJOYED HELPING PEOPE OUT.
I SEE A BIG HEART THAT LOVES EVERYONE.
HE HAD A WHITE SHIRT WITH A LOT OF DIFFERENT COLORED PENS PEEKING OUT OF HIS POCKET.
HE HAD A JACKET WITH LOTS OF THINGS IN THE BLACK POCKETS.
HE HAD BLACK PANTS AND A BLACK YARMULKA ON HIS BALD HEAD.
THE LIGHT AROUND MY ZAIDY WAS AS LIGHT AS A PRECIOUS GEM.
IS MY ZAIDY PROUD OF ME?
DOES MY ZAIDY KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS HIM?
MISS HIM MISS HIIM MISS HIM.
THE SOUND AROUND MY ZAIDY WAS ZEMIROS AND LAUGHTER.
I FEEL THAT I LOVE MY ZAIDY SO MUCH.
I FEEL HAPPY THAT I HAD SUCH A SPECIAL ZAIDY.
I FEEL SAD THAT MY ZAIDY WAS NIFTAR.

Do you not cry when you read that? So simple, yet so poignant. From the mouth of babes. With a touch of bald comic relief.

I have the same questions Abba - Are you proud of me? Do you know how much I miss you? Miss you, miss you, miss you…

When we got home, I lit a yahrtzeit candle for the first time. So weird, and also no bracha to say which was strange.
Today we went to the cemetary to say tehillim and talk to Abba one on one.

Abba - if you are reading this. Please, gather up all of the young, innocent people up there; people that really don’t belong there yet but were snatched out of the world way to early. And gather up the tzaddikim and gedolim who we feel lost without. Gather them and storm the kisai hakavod, until Hashem has no CHOICE but to send us the geulah. I would really be very happy if the 4th yahrtzeit is your last….

Here is the magnet that Mommy made by Abba’s shloshim. All of our friends and family keep it on their fridge. Please look at and think about for a few moments to give Abba a zechus.

TNZB’H.

(Read Adiel’s post on Hashkafah.com)
http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?showtopic=37695

Yesterday was a very hard day for both of us.

We found out that someone that we both knew was niftar in the most horrific way. The news said he jumped out of the ESB and committed suicide. I really would like to believe that it happened some other way. Honestly, it just does not make any sense. Moshe Kanovksy was a good, sincere, nice, normal guy who lived in our neighborhood and came to us for Shabbos meals. Adiel knew him from Yeshiva. The whole situation is just so bizzare that he would just do that to himself, with zero warning.

Every time I think about his leg just falling down I get sick. I want to believe that someone pushed him, or at least some demon possessed him to do it. It’s not something he would have done. It’s just not. And this is so eerily dejavu of what occurred last year. (http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?showtopic=20274 ). You know the A’s are still suffering so, even though the rest of us have moved on.

What is this world coming to? How can we make sense of this?
Hashem should give his family strength and nechama in this difficult and tragic time.

Almost overshadowed by this horrible tragedy is the fact that my own Aunt Leah was niftar last week, and Mommy is sitting shiva. Aunt Leah was a wonderful, kind person who never had a bad word to say to everyone. She is the first person that ever made challahs with me, and she showed me how to braid them using twisty ties. We made the shlissel challah in her memory. Mommy is sitting with her siblings until Wednesday.
TNZB’H

Let’s hear some good news soon - PLEASE!

A couple of nights back, a friend of mine asked me to come and spend some time with her. So I came to her place and immediately felt like something was off. After a bunch of minutes of the normal chit-chat, I asked her if everything was OK. And she said ‘Actually, I’m falling apart.’ Then she proceeds to tell me that she had seperated from her husband a couple of weeks back.

 :(. It’s not a total shock as I know she was never really happily married, still they did have some time together and last I heard they were looking to buy a house so I kind of figured they were able to work out whatever needed work.

But the saddest thing she said is that she doesn’t even miss him or feel that she lost a friend. That makes me feel sad. I think every married person contimplates divorce or thinks about the death of their spouse at some point or another. But I can never imagine NOT missing Adiel should anything ever God forbid happen. 

So I feel sad that she has to go through this. And I feel sad that she feels like she has ‘lost herself’ through her marriage. And I feel sad that I wasn’t more aware of her situation and better able to help her. But I’m glad that, if this really wasn’t working, they are finally doing something about it.

This is my first friend that I know that is even considering divorce and I never felt so strongly that she is doing the right thing. She just hasn’t been happy as a married girl, and there is an option for when marriages just don’t work. I just feel sad also when I remember how excited she was when they were dating and engaged. But as she told me before I left — and I need to remember this when things aren’t as exciting or romantic as they were during the courtship:
“It’s better to be loved than to be in love”.

Hugs and kisses to you girl.  You’re going to be happy once more.